A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
