yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
