I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
