So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
