We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
