addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She's the barista slut.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
