let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
