I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
