My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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