Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
