She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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