I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
