maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Come see our sink grown plant.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
