I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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