I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
