They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
