i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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