Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
