Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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