Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
