He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
