don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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