shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
