I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
