I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
