very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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