you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
