i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
