I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
