Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
