i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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