wat bout pragnant strippers??
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
