Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
