party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
