I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
