Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
