return my video game
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
