she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
