I wish I could teleport
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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