Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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