I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
