wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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