hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
