All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
