i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
