First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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