Nicole vs. Life
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
