I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
