I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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