I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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