I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
