I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Randomize
