i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
