It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
