I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
