pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Randomize
