My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
