there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
