so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
