That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
