i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
